Children of Alcoholics: Growing Up with an Alcoholic Parent

As an adult, though, you can learn to manage and change specific behaviors that no longer help you, which can improve your overall well-being, quality of life, and relationships with others. “In this process, you’ll process unresolved traumatic experiences and develop tools to formulate healthy relationships and communicate your needs,” she explains. When you don’t learn how to regulate your emotions, you might find it more difficult to understand what you’re feeling and why, not to mention maintain control over your responses and reactions. Difficulty expressing and regulating emotions can affect your overall well-being and contribute to challenges in your personal relationships.

One of the most common issues reported was a lack of trust in adults (more than 1 in 5). If one or more parents continue drinking heavily as the child is central nervous system depression growing up, this can also have negative consequences. Through fellowship and the support of ACA’s sponsors and peers, as well as the literature, members come to learn that even the most wounded of them has an inner child worthy of love and healing. The crux of the community and its mindfulness comes from honest accounts of struggles and sincere compassion towards these.

Where can adult children find support?

During conversations with the parent, it may be helpful to ensure they understand what treatment involves and the various options available. So consider pointing them to information on topics such as detox, outpatient, inpatient, aftercare, the admissions process, types of therapies, family treatment, and more. So you might want to peruse information on how to talk to an alcoholic before you broach the topic. In the absence of a stable, emotionally supportive enviornment, you learned to adapt in the only ways you knew how.

Family and Children’s Programs

For example, if you couldn’t depend on your parent to feed you breakfast or take you to school in the morning, you may have become self-reliant early on. As a result, Peifer says you could have difficulty accepting love, nurturing, and care from partners, friends, or others later in life. Yet while your parent didn’t choose to have AUD, their alcohol use can still affect you, particularly if they never get support or treatment. When a woman drinks alcohol while pregnant, her baby has a chance of developing fetal alcohol syndrome disorders (FASDs). Adults who have parents with alcohol use disorder are often called “Adult Children of Alcoholics,” aka ACoAs or ACAs.

A 2012 study that considered 359 adult children of parents with AUD found that they tended to fall within five distinct personality subtypes. One of these types, termed Awkward/Inhibited by researchers, was characterized by feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness. A parent’s alcohol use disorder (AUD) can have a major impact on your mental and emotional well-being — not just in your childhood, but also well into your adulthood.

Underage Drinking

Adolescents are simultaneously experiencing biological, psychological, social, and role changes, meaning that their bodies, brains, emotions, relationships, and everything in-between are in a state of flux and growth. Youth (ages 12-17) and young adults (18-25) who engage in substance misuse or suffer from a substance use disorder (SUD) face additional challenges that impact their ability to successfully navigate their journey into adulthood. According to a study by the National Association of Children of Alcoholics (NACOA), there are over 11 million children in the U.S. under the age of 18 living in families with at least one alcoholic parent. The statistics provided by multiple sources further break this down to about 76 million adults in the country who have lived or are currently living with a family history of alcoholism. The Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) organization was created to help people who grew up with addicted parents or in dysfunctional homes. The group literature and meetings are meant to help adult children identify the problems that have arisen as a result of their upbringing and offer up a solution.

Dr. Tian Dayton, a clinical psychologist, reports the impact of this trauma on a child and how the environment in which these children grow up directly reflects the major factors contributing to PTSD. These factors include the feeling of being unable to escape from the pain, being at risk in the family, and being frightened in a place that should be safe. Unfortunately, and for obvious reasons, children often don’t have access to these support groups while they’re still young. Even when a person grows up to become an adult child of an alcoholic, the meetings don’t necessarily focus on what it was like for a child to grow up alongside addiction and within a dysfunctional family. Published “The Laundry List,” which describes common characteristics shared by most adult children with a parent with alcohol use disorder. In fact, most people will never experience a more dramatic change than when in their adolescence.

Eventually and with the help of others, adult children will come to view alcoholism and other drug addiction as a disease and family dysfunction as the inevitable result. They will come to understand that their past cannot be changed, but they can unlearn their harmful coping mechanisms, tend to their childhood trauma and find “a sense of wholeness [they] never knew was possible.” Children of alcoholics will eventually grow up to become adults, but the trauma can linger for years. Adult children of alcoholics may feel the fear, anxiety, anger and self-hatred that lives on from their childhood.

Impaired Driving Program Participants may be required to undergo screening to identify risk factors for a substance use disorder either as part of the DMV Impaired Driver Program (IDP) or a court order. After the screening, individuals found to be at risk for developing a substance use disorder are referred for a comprehensive clinical assessment that must be completed by an OASAS approved provider. Based on the assessment, completion of a substance use disorder treatment program may be required by the DMV. The full list of characteristics can be found in the Laundry List, the 14 common traits of adult children, which was written by the ACA founder Tony A. As such, a wide range of individual and family therapy options are available through American Addiction Centers (AAC). We can help you not only explore family therapy options but also identify tailored treatment programs to meet your unique needs or those of a loved one.

This state of hypervigilance is a common symptom of both post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and anxiety disorders. If this was the case with your parent, you may have learned to pay attention to small, subtle signs at a young age. Never entirely sure how they’d act or react, you might have found yourself constantly on high alert, ready to respond accordingly and protect yourself. Knowing you couldn’t count on your caregiver for emotional support could also diminish your sense of self-esteem, according to Amanda E. White, licensed professional counselor and founder of the Therapy for Women Center. The New York State Zero Tolerance law applies to a person under age 21 who operates a motor vehicle with a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of .02% or more but less than .08%. OASAS presently offers a range of services and supports specifically designed to meet the needs of the youth and young adult population.

1. Each of these issues can make it harder to find peace and balance, and many ultimately turn to use and abuse of substances as a means of handling those challenges.
2. Youth (ages 12-17) and young adults (18-25) who engage in substance misuse or suffer from a substance use disorder (SUD) face additional challenges that impact their ability to successfully navigate their journey into adulthood.
3. Rebecca Strong is a Boston-based freelance writer covering health and wellness, fitness, food, lifestyle, and beauty.

According to the 2012 study mentioned above, emotionally dysregulated children of parents with AUD tend to feel as if their emotions spiral out of control and often have a hard time soothing themselves in emotionally distressing situations. According to White, this may happen partly because children often learn to mirror the characteristics of their parents. Children who grow up with at least one parent with alcohol use disorder can have an increased chance of experiencing negative health and behavioral outcomes.

Our hope is merely to capture the spirit of the fellowships, and to approach people with the language they commonly use to describe the disease of addiction. This is a huge lesson for many—for better or worse, addiction is outside of friends’ and family members’ control. But they can establish boundaries around the addiction and for the addicted loved one, and start to move forward in the healthiest way possible with a recovery of their own. If you or the parent have additional questions—or you simply need drinking when bored someone to walk you through the treatment process—American Addiction Centers can help. While AAC offers several treatment facilities across the U.S., our admissions navigators at can provide a host of information and options for your unique situation. They can not only answer questions for those seeking treatment but also provide information and options for those attempting to assist the person with the AUD.

As painful as it is for someone to live with alcohol use disorder, they aren’t the only ones affected. And even when these echo house sober living children become adults, it may continue to be a challenge to deal with their parent’s addiction and its lasting effects. It aims to build oneself up, assumes personal responsibility by unequivocally standing up for one’s right to a healthy life and actively works on the changes necessary to achieving it. The collective stance is not to wallow in “being a victim” but to move into the practical application of seeing family dysfunction as a generational affliction and a pattern that can be healed. Growing up with a parent with alcohol use disorder has real-life consequences for many adult children.

You’re not to blame if you learned to use alcohol as a means of dealing with trauma from your childhood, but you can always take action to learn new, more helpful coping mechanisms. “Adult children of parents with AUD may find closeness with others somewhat uncomfortable given a deep-rooted fear that becoming connected to someone else means a significant risk of emotional pain,” says Peifer. The ACA has group meetings (based on the 12-step principles of “Alcoholics Anonymous”) that are specifically designed to help adult children overcome the lasting damage of parental drinking.